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if u want to go, just go..dont turning back

what a feel! what a day! almost speechless, still i need to calming myself. after almost a year, i just can tell him the truth today. its really hard, i was taking risk actually. but all the thing happens should be clearly tell. i don't want to wait anymore for misunderstanding the actual situation. hard to breathe, but i should tell. don't want to waste my time, keeping my heart hurting and asking everyday. even my works and friends sometimes can make me forget that thing, but it fails when i reach home. staying alone with my laptop, i surfing almost all thing that can make me feel happy...still i sometimes cry without reason...but deep inside my heart i knew the reason.

why you contact me again after last year break? did u know i almost tremble and my body shacking when we met again to solve my lenovo problems. that night is crazy, at 12 am u came and pick me up and drove to Oldtown cafe. we spent more than hours together. you may help me because u help me bought my lenovo. and then after sometimes u ask me to buy dinner for you. and i was happy to spend my money for our dinner for thanking you for helping me.

after several months i fought with my own feeling to forget u, to accept that i am only a friend to u. its really hard..very hard..because we still contact each other. we update our news and current situation like before. i trying several time delete your contact no from my phone, change our status in multiply from boyfriend to friend. and things become more harder because i remember all the no. about you. your hp no, your birthday date, and you still in my YM list. and i can read your status in friendster..and your cousin always updating news about you. sometimes i want all this thing just stop. no more news, no more chit-chatting..

i start went out with someone else so i hope i can forget you, forget that my heart still loving you. and not only one person, i count it was 4 till to-date. and all of them failed to make me forget and loose my feeling on you. i was brushed up by my family and friends to forget u and find new one. i did almost everything; praying, dating, went vacation, keep busy with my work and myself. indeed i still cannot let you go out of my life.

with your several invitation to watch movie and having time together make my feeling growing back after all i hope they just dying. and i feel that they only die if u not turning back to me. because u should know, that i always keeping your inside deep down my heart. and i never have such this feeling to any of my ex-boyfriends. they really go from my life after we break-up. so please, let me know, if you still want to give me a chance, tell me the truth.. if you only love me as a friend, then show it without contact me again coz its really hurt me dear..hurt to accept the real confession and at the some time u treat me like this.

i will let you go, whenever you not turning back to me. let me feel the pain by myself, let me heal it myself, leave me if nothing you can say anymore about our "make me confuse" relationship. i will slowly face it, accept it and make new life for my own happiness.

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5 comments:

  1. ko ni ibarat...penyu menangis tak siapa tau..awak berani tak berterus terang?? cubalah ..

    ReplyDelete
  2. boleh ko boleh...u should try..takpun bg email..

    ReplyDelete
  3. fairuz dapat rasa kak, but think for the first and the last time tell the truth. Fairuz rasa berterus terang adalah jalan terbaik. Jangan malu, akak perlu buat untuk diri akak. For your peace of mind and heart. Please, do it. Whatever of his answer, yes or no... you must ready to accept it...better than what you face right now. Clarity, you need that. I'm here for you for all your pain. I feel it too. Please, do it for you!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. thanks mimi & fairuz yg prihatin....looks like i have to take step 1st

    ReplyDelete

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